so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Everyone says I win the strip club
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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