Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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