I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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