Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
