I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
