the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
