apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
