Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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