last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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