I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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