my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
