I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
