She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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