i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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