all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
