was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
