why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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