Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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