Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
