dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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