I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
