I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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