i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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