Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
