They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
