We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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