bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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