I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
