ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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