My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
