i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
