did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
