the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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