We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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