Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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