Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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