True but thats because hes a fetus.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
