final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
