ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Redeem this text for a blowjob
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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