so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I touched a dick in church today
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
