Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
