i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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