Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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