Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
