don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Come on in and take your pants off
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