So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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