Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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