does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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