Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
