I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
