god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
