Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
