By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
