Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
