Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
